You find yourself each time that you try to approach a woman that you just realize you have not moved an inch towards her. Or you have let your mind convince your body to save itself and not even try to approach her.
There are a ton of reasons why a guy would not approach a girl. We could go into crazy detail why and how each thought process cuts deep into the insecurities you may have…but let us save that for the therapy sessions. Here are FIVE ways you can deal with approach anxiety. Trust, I have had my huge fair share of approach anxiety. Just ask my wonderful colleagues, they had to deal with my crap for a good while.
1. “I am just not good enough…”
This one is a huge reason why guys never take that first step. This obviously stems from insecurities. How do you actually know if you are good enough?
Think about the world and the vast number of people. The chances are at your favor that someone will think you are more than good enough for them. In a way that thought process is a little detrimental to your success in game. Thinking you are not good enough already makes you think you are inferior to everyone.
I have had that feeling. I felt like every woman I could potentially approach was already a fail because that mindset sets you up for failure.
Want to get out of this slump? First: take a hot shower…just kidding, unless you really have not showered yet then yeah…go shower you filthy animal.
ARTICLE: Practice Practice Practice…Go Get Her!
On a serious note…
First off you have to develop a more positive way of thinking about yourself. I would suggest going to your public library or just search online for certain techniques on a positive self talk in your mind. I usually try to look myself in the mirror in the morning and tell myself today will be a good day and that you feel good and you are enough. As cheesy as it sounds, it really works. Now don’t expect this method to be an overnight sensation thing. This is a daily buildup of self esteem. From there you can find positive things to do that will show your mind that you are a great guy who knows how to have fun and be the man.
2. “Damn she is going to just reject me…”
Remember that saying of you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take?(yeah…Wayne Gretzky) This applies here as well.
The worst that could really happen is that she says no or that she has a boyfriend. Contrary to popular and crazy belief, women will not try to attract negative attention and so they will not usually brush you off in a rude way. Come on now, we are all human.
She will probably already give you a chance if you ACTUALLY approach. Going up to her tells her that you at least have the balls to talk to her. Now from there you just have to wow her with your personality. Sounds easy right? It actually is…after you realize that there is no harm in the process.
Think of it as working out. You pump iron and run hella crazy miles just to what? Get sore. Yes! Get sore and then recover with protein shakes and post workout routines.
Gaming is sort of the same way. You have to repeatedly do the same thing to get better at it. It will also be like developing callouses on your hands, but this will be social callouses so you don’t choke every time you try to approach.
The process is real and it takes work to get to where you want to be. I remember reading some where saying that approaching and talking to women right off the bat of not even being comfortable talking to strangers is like running a marathon without the marathon training before it. You wouldn’t just show up and think you will be leading the pack.
3. “I don’t know what to say!”
Say “hi,” say “you look super interesting…” SAY ANYTHING!!!!!
It really doesn’t matter UNLESS you try to put her down right away…then you are just a dumb ass.
I had this problem as well and sometimes I still try to use this as an excuse. I usually just tell myself “NO, you know this” and I snap back to a better place.
ARTICLE: Approach Women Anywhere
As long as you are confident with what you say, you will be alright saying anything from “where is the nearest toilet” to “hey you have an awesome shirt, where did you get it?” I could go for days saying what you could say but…that takes out the adventure for you to find out what you like using to open.
4. “Pass, she is not cute enough…”
Really? Come on now…
So this will kind of relate to #2. Basically do not pass up the chance to talk to people. I know a certain someone who will not be mentioned where I head this ALL the time. He would keep trying to pass up chances to talk to women just because he used the excuse that they were not cute enough.
Remember kids…practice practice practice. I would even suggest to expand to talking to everyone you see. Chat up the cashier, makes friends with your butcher, have a friendly conversation with a person at a coffee shop. As long as you get use to talking to strangers and keep the conversation going then this will condition you to not choke or get nervous when you start talking to a girl you really want to talk to.
As you can see this is really not rocket science. I had a problem of organization and knowing the steps I need to take in order to be successful. I am more method oriented than the others in the team so I can’t just think purely on the fly and hope I don’t choke. I will choke. So I usually have stuff ready in my head to say so I don’t look unsure or uncertain.
5. “This is too hard…”
YES IT IS…but if it was so hard then why are other guys doing it as well? Obviously to find someone or to get laid.
Instead of thinking of the negatives of how hard it is and how nervous you feel, think more of the fact that it is actually fun talking and having moments with women.
Imagine a whole night out in Las Vegas and all your lame-ass did was walk around drinking your life away. Not once did you bother talking to ANYONE! I am even including random strangers and the plethora of bums that scatter the streets. How boring would that be?
Now imagine the flip side of that: You show up at Omnia or XS with your buddies and just have fun. You guys start hitting each other and dancing. In the midst of it all you see that hot babe across the way and you two lock eyes. You smile and she smiles back. At that point you think “fuck it!” and head towards her. She looks away and starts to fix her hair…you know it’s on.
“Didn’t I see you at Hash House?!” She looks amazed and puzzled. “Yeah you were there and I wanted to talk to you but you were Ms. Roadrunner over here speeding by hahahha” She laughs and the night continues. For every joke you crack she keeps hitting your arm playfully. You take her to the dance floor and have the time of your life. More liquid courage throughout the night to spice it up and, before you know it, she’s asking YOU where you stayed at and when we can head there. Amazing!
See how different it is to just be social? Granted the process does take work. You cannot be lazy about it or you will not get results. Trust me…I know.
So there it is folks, the excuses I have heard the most that will seriously hinder your chance at getting better. Most of this stuff is very internal and you need to develop some will power to overcome them. It does help to have a good friend remind you here and there and keep you accountable for your goals. But bottom line…
Until next time, stay classy and fly above the rest.