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You find yourself each time that you try to approach a woman that you just realize you have not moved an inch towards her. Or you have let your mind convince your body to save itself and not even try to approach her.
There are a ton of reasons why a guy would not approach a girl. We could go into crazy detail why and how each thought process cuts deep into the insecurities you may have…but let us save that for the therapy sessions. Here are FIVE ways you can deal with approach anxiety. Trust, I have had my huge fair share of approach anxiety. Just ask my wonderful colleagues, they had to deal with my crap for a good while.
1. “I am just not good enough…”
This one is a huge reason why guys never take that first step. This obviously stems from insecurities. How do you actually know if you are good enough?
Think about the world and the vast number of people. The chances are at your favor that someone will think you are more than good enough for them. In a way that thought process is a little detrimental to your success in game. Thinking you are not good enough already makes you think you are inferior to everyone.
I have had that feeling. I felt like every woman I could potentially approach was already a fail because that mindset sets you up for failure.
Want to get out of this slump? First: take a hot shower…just kidding, unless you really have not showered yet then yeah…go shower you filthy animal.
ARTICLE: Practice Practice Practice…Go Get Her!
On a serious note…
First off you have to develop a more positive way of thinking about yourself. I would suggest going to your public library or just search online for certain techniques on a positive self talk in your mind. I usually try to look myself in the mirror in the morning and tell myself today will be a good day and that you feel good and you are enough. As cheesy as it sounds, it really works. Now don’t expect this method to be an overnight sensation thing. This is a daily buildup of self esteem. From there you can find positive things to do that will show your mind that you are a great guy who knows how to have fun and be the man.
2. “Damn she is going to just reject me…”
Remember that saying of you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take?(yeah…Wayne Gretzky) This applies here as well.
The worst that could really happen is that she says no or that she has a boyfriend. Contrary to popular and crazy belief, women will not try to attract negative attention and so they will not usually brush you off in a rude way. Come on now, we are all human.
She will probably already give you a chance if you ACTUALLY approach. Going up to her tells her that you at least have the balls to talk to her. Now from there you just have to wow her with your personality. Sounds easy right? It actually is…after you realize that there is no harm in the process.
Think of it as working out. You pump iron and run hella crazy miles just to what? Get sore. Yes! Get sore and then recover with protein shakes and post workout routines.
Gaming is sort of the same way. You have to repeatedly do the same thing to get better at it. It will also be like developing callouses on your hands, but this will be social callouses so you don’t choke every time you try to approach.
The process is real and it takes work to get to where you want to be. I remember reading some where saying that approaching and talking to women right off the bat of not even being comfortable talking to strangers is like running a marathon without the marathon training before it. You wouldn’t just show up and think you will be leading the pack.
3. “I don’t know what to say!”
Say “hi,” say “you look super interesting…” SAY ANYTHING!!!!!
It really doesn’t matter UNLESS you try to put her down right away…then you are just a dumb ass.
I had this problem as well and sometimes I still try to use this as an excuse. I usually just tell myself “NO, you know this” and I snap back to a better place.
ARTICLE: Approach Women Anywhere
As long as you are confident with what you say, you will be alright saying anything from “where is the nearest toilet” to “hey you have an awesome shirt, where did you get it?” I could go for days saying what you could say but…that takes out the adventure for you to find out what you like using to open.
4. “Pass, she is not cute enough…”
Really? Come on now…
So this will kind of relate to #2. Basically do not pass up the chance to talk to people. I know a certain someone who will not be mentioned where I head this ALL the time. He would keep trying to pass up chances to talk to women just because he used the excuse that they were not cute enough.
Remember kids…practice practice practice. I would even suggest to expand to talking to everyone you see. Chat up the cashier, makes friends with your butcher, have a friendly conversation with a person at a coffee shop. As long as you get use to talking to strangers and keep the conversation going then this will condition you to not choke or get nervous when you start talking to a girl you really want to talk to.
As you can see this is really not rocket science. I had a problem of organization and knowing the steps I need to take in order to be successful. I am more method oriented than the others in the team so I can’t just think purely on the fly and hope I don’t choke. I will choke. So I usually have stuff ready in my head to say so I don’t look unsure or uncertain.
5. “This is too hard…”
YES IT IS…but if it was so hard then why are other guys doing it as well? Obviously to find someone or to get laid.
Instead of thinking of the negatives of how hard it is and how nervous you feel, think more of the fact that it is actually fun talking and having moments with women.
Imagine a whole night out in Las Vegas and all your lame-ass did was walk around drinking your life away. Not once did you bother talking to ANYONE! I am even including random strangers and the plethora of bums that scatter the streets. How boring would that be?
Now imagine the flip side of that: You show up at Omnia or XS with your buddies and just have fun. You guys start hitting each other and dancing. In the midst of it all you see that hot babe across the way and you two lock eyes. You smile and she smiles back. At that point you think “fuck it!” and head towards her. She looks away and starts to fix her hair…you know it’s on.
“Didn’t I see you at Hash House?!” She looks amazed and puzzled. “Yeah you were there and I wanted to talk to you but you were Ms. Roadrunner over here speeding by hahahha” She laughs and the night continues. For every joke you crack she keeps hitting your arm playfully. You take her to the dance floor and have the time of your life. More liquid courage throughout the night to spice it up and, before you know it, she’s asking YOU where you stayed at and when we can head there. Amazing!
See how different it is to just be social? Granted the process does take work. You cannot be lazy about it or you will not get results. Trust me…I know.
So there it is folks, the excuses I have heard the most that will seriously hinder your chance at getting better. Most of this stuff is very internal and you need to develop some will power to overcome them. It does help to have a good friend remind you here and there and
Going on an after Valentine’s Day roll here, I’m gonna assume that if you’re like me then your Valentine’s Day success comes with the good and the bad as well.
The road to happiness never comes without its ups and downs my friend, that you should already know….doe. (lol)
I know Ray already knows where I’m going with this and is probably gonna get a good laugh out of it. But…. friends can be assholes you guys, especially your best friends. They’ll support your relationship if it’s good for you, though they won’t let you off without a little trolling every now and then…. or all the time if your friends are my friends.
ARTICLE: Get Out There To Capture Her
If you’re a little more sensitive I can see how this might make you go crazy. So I’m here with some tips to help out. Luckily for me, I know my friends are bound to troll me since we troll each other and you get what you give out. If you’re someone like Ray we definitely dish it out at least 85% of his life. The other 15% is when he’s away for work. I’m sure he’s definitely grateful for his work saving him from having to deal with us all the time.
On to the point. If you’re like some guys who take things way too seriously and get flustered over small things like your friends making fun of you for having a girlfriend, then this is for you.
How to Prolong Your Suffering
When you get into a relationship just know your friends are gonna come after you. If they haven’t already then they’re either waiting in the shadows ready to pounce at the right moment… or they’re just your acquaintances. Good friends, or at least your closer ones, will be sure to make fun of you because it’s what we do as close friends.
Deal with it…as I have had to deal with it for a time now.
If you aren’t exactly ready for the verbal torture just yet, you can always prolong your suffering. Imminent yet not immediate, either way it doesn’t have to be all that bad.
When you meet up with your friends, you go out to eat, get drinks, play pool, etc. You’re going to talk and catch up and if you haven’t seen each other in forever then expect to talk A LOT. One of the subjects, if not the first, to come up is gonna be relationship or dating related. Your goal is to keep it from being anywhere near the first subject to be talked about. Bring up the most recent night of drunk adventures you had and try to get the whole conversation to focus on what you guys remember happening that night.
“Did I talk to that hot girl in the club? Was she actually hot? I tried to pull her to the bathroom? Oh I made out with her… but she wasn’t actually hot? Damn, that sucks.”
Whatever your friends talk about just keep asking them questions and crack jokes. Make everyone gang up on each other as long as the attention isn’t on you. One mistake you could make is making fun of the wrong member of the conversation and immediately they can flip that trap card on you and bring up what they know will make you uncomfortable the most. Don’t activate their trap card my friend, it’s just not worth it.
Remember you gotta be the first one to talk whenever there is a chance to divert attention away from yourself; it’s almost like a drinking game. Maybe drinking will make things easier when they actually do bring up the subject. You gotta make every topic of conversation last as long as you can while taking it further and further away from the subject of relationships. When you do see the transition coming into another topic you gotta be the first to speak so you can choose the next subject. It surprisingly takes a decent amount of wit and strategy to pull this off.
Like i said before, if you’re like me and one of the heads of Pompous Gentlemen, dating is one of the first topics to come up. Luckily for me I’m known for being pretty random so I can bring up random topics like that. We also go through a lot of escapades filled with drunk shenanigans and all types of nonsense. So recollecting the night and making fun of each other on non-dating related topics takes up a lot of our time.
Though not everyone can be so random, coming up with things to say on the fly can be a little more daunting of a task for you. If that’s the case and you do end up getting cornered into talking about your relationship, then you gotta immediately attempt to deflect the questions onto one of your friends in the conversation. While they’re talking, find an opening to bring up another subject, then you use that chance to change the subject.
When you are on the subject though and the damn spotlight is on you, you just gotta give short answers and be super vague so they eventually give up and get bored talking about it. Be careful with the being vague part though because it could backfire on you and make them ask even more questions. When you’re talking with Jeff, Rodrigo and Ray your chances of escaping are practically zero. They’re like hyenas after a young Simba…relentless.
Though if you’re smart you’ll take advantage of the others in the group who are in relationships or are exclusively dating someone. You redirect attention to them and watch it all unfold as you sit back and enjoy the show. Don’t forget to throw in a few jabs every now and then, too.
Also make sure you have work to get done and business to discuss so you can always redirect the topic onto focusing on more important things. Remember, it’ll happen eventually but you can prolong it. It just depends on when you’re ready to go through with it. Friends are assholes, I know.
I feel your pain.
It’s Not All That Bad
Time to look on the bright side guys. Eventually you’ll have been through it all and they might have stopped poking fun at you. If they haven’t, either way you should still be fine with it. It shouldn’t bother you that much in the first place unless you are the type to get bothered by this stuff. I know there are those people out there that just can’t handle criticism in any way even if it’s just a little joke between friends.
Well cheer up buddy, it’s not as bad as you think.
Think of it this way: if you want to help, get over it. In the end if it’s just your friends making fun of you for being in a relationship, it’s just fun and games. Maybe they can’t directly express that they’re happy for you so they joke about it, though they never talk negatively about it. It’s not a bad thing.
They may be making fun of you. On the bright side: at least they’re supportive of it. Who knows, maybe they’re even envious of what you have. There’s a 50/50 chance that they are not lonely by choice so I would say that they probably are envious of you.
POSCAST: Do Nice Guys Finish Last?
Even though you’re at the end of all the relationship jokes, at the end of the day you know you’re in a happy relationship. You can even have your girlfriend console you if that’s something you need… *Laugh out loud*
Like I said before, most people would literally die to be in a happy relationship. Some people can’t live without a partner. Hopefully this isn’t the case for you. You should never rely on someone for your happiness, though it never hurts to be in a relationship.
Could There Be a Negative Reason Behind The Jokes?
Ever wonder why they make fun of your relationship? Maybe it would be a wise choice to think things over if you haven’t gotten the “talk” from your bros yet. If your friends are too cautious of your feelings, I don’t blame them if you’re the
Do you ever wonder how people fit so much in their schedule? No time to rest, various deadlines, places to be at, places to go; an endless flow of stuff to do. As you read this you wonder as well why the hell am I sitting in front of a screen reading this? Where is my life going?
Don’t worry…it happens to the best of us.
You could have the fear that when you meet a lady and start to talk to her you find that you are grabbing for anything and everything to talk about. Back when you were in school I bet it was super easy to talk to girls because you shared a commonality: you are in the same place doing the same thing griping about the same shitty teachers who you wonder how they got the job.
Now that you are in the real world you find it harder to connect with people. You find that no one really gets your job and most of your friends from college moved away and are having the time of their lives. You are now stuck at home wondering where everyone went and why you are not doing anything about your life.
GET UP. GET GOING.
Wha?! You mean I have to actually get out there and do something? YES.
Remember the times when you would aspire to take over the world and have dreams of swimming with dolphins while researching the tidal patterns of the Pacific? No? Just me?
All jokes aside, if you really want stuff to talk about and have wonderful experiences, you need to take control of your life and get out there. Yes, easier said than done. But imagine again that talk with that girl. The conversation has passed the boring interview phase and now you are wondering what the hell should I let out of your mouth now?
If you had great past experiences(not with the ex) then you could talk about how the best seafood you had was in Thailand and go from there. Maybe you are not a traveler and instead you could talk about the crazy tide pool adventures in Laguna Beach where you found little crabs living beside sea snails. From there you could intrigue her enough for her to want to get to the tide pools with you. Voila, instadate or possible future date.
You may think that you don’t even have enough time to do such great things and experience enough. Do you have time to brush your teeth? Do you have time to jerk one off before showering? Then you have enough time to get your ass off your chair and experience what is out there. The excuse of not having enough time stems from the uncertainty of what to do and how to do what you want to do. The act of giving excuses is WAY easier than actually doing something…trust…I know that all too well.
The one thing you have to keep in mind is to manage your time. We set aside time for family, friends, and most importantly…YOURSELF. Yes, sometimes it is good to have alone time. If recently you have been having TOO much alone time well at least do something with that vast time of solidarity.
Why not change up your reading time to reading at a local park or local beach? Sometimes I take time to just sit at a beach and listen to the waves roll in. You will not believe how soothing and calming it is to just sit there and listen. Sometimes my clear moments are when I am in that state. My mind tends to think a lot and those times are great for that.
I get that some of you may not have access to a beach. We have such a tough life here where we live…like totally…kidding. We have our down times and bad times, don’t worry. We are all human here and the fact that you are still reading this is amazing.
Another suggestion is to join a meetup group like cycling or rock climbing. You will be exposed to new people and find ways to interact with individuals who like similar activities. This is also a nice way to meet women BUT keep in mind that this will be a group you keep returning to. Don’t burn bridges when you haven’t even stepped foot on it.
I know Jeff and I have gone rock climbing and it is a great full body exercise.
Now what happens if you do not have the financial means to do certain activities? Find other activities. I know looking at your local paper or even website for free events that you could go to that are in your city. These are great for finally getting to know who is in your city and what the city has to offer. I know here we have free wine tastings here and there and community outreach programs that you spend the day cleaning up a certain part of the city or help out a local charity. There are also farmer markets and themed days that you could spend half a day at. Since it is spring season, there will be more and more events that you could go to without having to shell out a fortune.
Another great adventure would be to take a mild hike at a local trail. I would suggest bringing someone along whether it be your good buddy or a family member in the slight chance there is an emergency or if someone is following you to do certain evil deeds. That is another way to scope out better date ideas for when you finally meet that special someone or that someone you want to do “special” things with.
If outdoors isn’t your thing then might I suggest going to a local museum? This is a great way to educate yourself with the rich history of the world. This also gives you something to really talk about.
Do we see an ongoing trend here? Whatever you do, have a purpose behind it and time will not be wasted. Yes, we could all be walking aimlessly eating a bag of chips wondering what the hell is wrong, or we could do the same walk admiring the scenery. Who knows, you might even bump into someone you could have a conversation with, and possibly have coffee with right after.
Whatever you do just know that this will make you a better person. You will finally get to see what is out there and not wonder again(unless you are wondering about a future trip) what you could have done or what you could have seen. You will now have a huge bag of stuff to talk about and you be that man who has experienced. You will not look like the chump who sits around and picks their nose over and over to find your nose bleeding. When a girl asks if you have a crazy story you will have a crazy story and be proud of it. Sometimes life is calling for you, you just have to listen and act on it.
Until then, stay classy and fly above the rest.
Imagine you are sitting in your favorite spot at the park. The cool and steady breeze is just enough to keep you relaxed. The winds carry the faint aroma of eucalyptus trees and fresh cut grass. The ambient noise of the trees rustling and kids running around playing...read more
It's almost the end of February and after sending your last text, you realize something and think to yourself: "Hey, that lonely girl I found in the bar and ended up going home with on Valentine's Day is still talking to me!" Congrats! This might be the turning point...read more
How to Know when you Are on the Right Track
You notice and slight glance. A glimmer of light that reflected from her glistening eye catches your eye and the gaze holds. Foot over foot you quickly move before your mind realizes what you are about to do.
You trick the bastard and make your body get closer and closer to her until you are short of an arm’s length away from her.
“Hello…” with hand extended in greeting.
You feel the warmth of her hand snuggle in your palm.
“Why hello there…” she winks as she slowly analyzes your face.
You strike up a conversation and before you know it…
The first date. Then the second date. Now the third date.
You have gone on the date that determines whether you should go on or bail because you found out her father is an ex-con and found out you are dating his daughter…just kidding.
Not a lot of guys have gotten past even the FIRST date. I will not sugar coat it…
DATING IS NO WALK IN THE PARK…at least for guys.
Imagine the courage and practice it takes to even approach. Now span that out and let it roll over and over and over.
Ok maybe I over-exaggerated. Let’s just say the ups and downs of dating is such a roller coaster ride that you have to prepare yourself for ANYTHING. You will be thrown from various highs of newly dating a girl to the lows of wondering what the hell you are doing dating this said girl.
There are a few things to keep in mind while on this crazy journey. I could totally just list everything out and be lame about this, hoping that you will even begin to comprehend what I am saying. Nahhh, I’d rather just explain it in a way that I hope you get. Allons-y, shall we?
So starting off this journey I have noticed that you get into a nice happy phase where everything is new and both you and the girl are into each other. Just peachy.
Neither one of you are trying to push too quick. This first phase is used to get to know each other. So you put your best self forward and know that she will like you. You could be the chump that puts a front, but we do not recommend that.
If all goes well you will have that successful first date. You will be in such a rush that all you could think about is…her. SO you muster up the balls to ask her out on a second date and she agrees.
Second date comes around and now you are more relaxed. You give off a better feeling due to the more relaxed state. The date goes well and you put another notch on your belt.
But wait…she stops responding. You could have sworn she just had the best time of her life. This goes on for days. Days turns into weeks. You start going somewhat crazy and….she finally responds.
Now you could chalk this up to not having enough people to talk to or that you are focusing too much on one girl. Let’s face it that some of you guys out there will date one girl at a time. You cannot focus EVERYTHING on this girl. Yes you like her and she likes you are both of you had great times with each other. The hard part I have faced before is everything between those times.
I have to admit I have had my fair share of meltdowns when they could be avoided. I am talking about the insecurities settling in that you have “lost” the girl or even lost her attention. I say who cares…
Honestly…who cares? I know your mind does and it will hurt. But that is how life is. The person you can control is…wait for it…
Go read a book, have a hobby…go to work!
The more you can fill your life up with stuff to do the better it will be. Imagine if you took up surfing. You would be learning and, when the time comes, you could teach your new dating buddy how to surf as well. See where this leads to? No?
You become a more interesting person. You will be well rounded(not size) and be able to show her that you are not the average Joe Shmoe. Here at Pompous Gentlemen we have made it a point to try something new each month. Last month it was line dancing and country bars. The venue is super fun and great for dancing with females.
You cannot control what the girl feels or how she acts. You must be ready for anything. She might be super busy in her life and that’s why she has not been getting back to you. She might actually be dating other people in which you should do the same.
I have learned the hard way to not assume the dating is something more than getting to know each other. I have jumped steps and think that since she is diggin’ me she is my girlfriend already and that I “have” her. Slow that mind of yours down. It helps to see her perspective without your own judgement. She is doing the same thing you are doing. She is getting to know you and seeing if it is worth the time and effort. So the best way to approach this is:
Have no expectations!
Exactly. If something goes great then you are better than you came in with. If it does not work out then it would be ok because you never expected anything.
Now with not expecting be sure to not just relax too much. You still need to remember to be the best man you can be. You still need to remember to put yourself out there and not worry what people think of you. This is where being true to yourself and not fake a single bone on your body.
There will be other trials out there. Depending on what you go through it could be anything. The key thing to remember is…
Yes have fun. What could be worse than to nitpick on everything and focus on the inner workings when all you could do is have fun and enjoy the process.
I have seen it over and over from Jeff, Panda, and other friends that have had great success in dating. The common thread with all of them was that they had fun. They took the girl on a great adventure even if it was just a walk down a beach boardwalk or a cool exhibit at the local art show.
Until next time, stay classy and fly above the rest.
Well my fellow pompous gentlemen, it’s about that time of year.
You know, that time of year when you have to decide between breaking up with that girl you’ve been casually dating before things get too serious or keeping with it and going through the typical crap of Valentine’s Day.
Okay maybe that’s not your situation. Maybe it is? Well whether you’re with someone serious and want to take things to the next level, or you’re dating someone and you’re not sure whether things are getting serious or not. Whatever your situation is, Valentine’s Day is coming soon and if you’re like many guys out there you’ll need some help surviving it.
Figuring out how to deal with Valentine’s Day madness with whatever love-life situation you’re currently in is tough. I always get questions on what guys should get for their significant others.
It’s tough, especially if you’ve been dating for years now.
The pressure you put upon yourself and the pressure you feel from your partner is pretty intense. It definitely makes coming up with ideas for surprising them more and more difficult each year. We all know that if you want a relationship to keep strong you gotta keep coming up with ways to keep things fun and fresh. I know us guys are usually pretty simple but even some of us would appreciate a little more thought when it comes to getting gifts.
Nobody wants the same Valentine’s day card and chocolates each year. So you’re saying to be more fresh and innovative Panda? Yes but not exactly, all you really have to do is put some more thought into your gifts.
You and your girl have been together for a couple years. You might own a dog together and you’ve met each other’s parents. I think it’s safe to say you guys are a serious couple. You might even be finally able to say that you love this girl.
Okay maybe not.
Either way it’s about time you started trying to get this girl a gift she deserves for sticking around with you for so long.
Consider something interesting that is out of the ordinary to give her this year. In this day and age people are getting pretty creative with their ideas. You could be super romantic and get her something cheesy that she can’t help but love either way. You could be more subtle and get her something nice without showing your gushy lovey dovey side. Just don’t get her that damn Edible Arrangements bouquet again!
Consider something like couple’s jewelry or watches. It may seem like lame kid stuff to get something like an engraved leather wrist band from Disneyland. That’s because we relate it to kids who don’t know much about love and could end up with 7 different girlfriends in the same year. I even know some girls in college who goes through boy toys every few months.
Anyways, it doesn’t have to be super coupley and matchy-matchy. You can still look clean and sophisticated with some unisex pieces from brands like MVMNT, or Daniel Wellington. They are on the more affordable side and give you a simple silhouette while making you look like you spent more than you actually did.
For unisex couple’s jewelry consider taking a look at up and coming brands like Vitaly, We Are All Smith, Mister FC, Kiss The Sky, or Mateo Bijoux for some nice pieces that will definitely leave you some room in your wallet for any extra gifts you might wanna get her, too.
An inspired idea I got from seeing this product online a little while ago involves any type of glass bottle with a bottle cap or cork with a light at the bottle. It was called Light in a Bottle. I’ll update this later when I find the actual link. I came up with an idea you can use to make this already great gift even more tailored to her.
What you would do is find something she really wants to go see like a show or a music event. Buy or print out actual tickets along with a letter expressing your gushy love for her typed out; or even better make it handwritten. It doesn’t have to be perfect. I know tons of girls would find it more cute to see your attempt at writing nicely for them just because you took the time to write it out. Roll that up as if you were to give her a message in a bottle and have it ready to surprise her with after an accompanied bottle of her favorite wine.
Better yet, you can have a little date at the beach and send it floating to her across the water at night. The light effect is perfect for this.
It’s the perfect way to surprise her while presenting it at the same time!
Marriage in the Horizon
One of you poops in the toilet while the other showers. Gross things are just a way of life to you both now.
You guys have been living with each other for a few years already, you’ve definitely fallen in true love with each other now. It might just be a hunch of mine, but I think you both might be ready to tie the knot.
Considering all things in your life are in order, this Valentine’s day could be just that much more special for you two. Don’t worry you won’t be alone. It’s no news that so many couples a year choose this appropriate day of the year to propose to their loved ones.
It’s definitely not for everyone, but for those who are ready to take that next step.
You probably already have a clue of what to get her. I mean, what else would you get her?
Getting her that ring this is definitely something you have to research on your own. You know I’m all about helping you gents save money right? A brilliant idea that I saw awhile back was a tattoo. Yes, in place of a real engagement ring, I found that someone had the idea to get a tattoo of a ring on their finger in place of a real ring as a sort of place holder.
The idea is to have a tattoo there to be replaced later on if you can’t afford a ring right away. Of you wanted to to be creative and material things don’t matter as much to you two, you could just use that as the engagement ring instead. It might not be for everyone, though you can’t say it isn’t creative and cost effective; which is what I always try to help you guys out with. If money isn’t an issue and you can afford it then by all means, go that extra step especially if it’s for someone you love.
How to surprise her in this situation could take up a whole post on its own. Though you can take cues from the recent flood of viral proposal videos. If you’re a dancer, it might already be expected of you to have a dance related surprise performance for your lover. Sorry dancers gotta get that choreography ready and gather up your Disney cast member friends to do a flash-mob for you.
You can do the public service announcement type proposal where you let the world know you love this girl. Popular methods for this have been using the giant screens at the stadiums used for sporting events. If you have the money you can do anything guys, or if you have amazing people skills.
If you dare to do it, take her to a concert with her favorite artist and try to see if you can get them to make a special announcement so you can get on stage and tell her yourself in front of everyone.
If you don’t even like PDA I wouldn’t expect you to be comfortable on stage making huge announcements about your love for your girl either. This doesn’t mean that you don’t love her as much, you just have your own way of doings. A night out at the beach after a private wine and dine session is classic and is something any girl would appreciate. Take her to the aquarium or somewhere with some beautiful lighting yet is still somewhat private and surprise her there.
It’s not really
Starter pack for a quick date?
DING DING DING!!!!
Quick dates or first dates could be ANYTHING. They should be geared to promote talking and getting to know each other. Guys have been failing at using the dinner/movie combo thinking this will be a nice default.
News flash: Don’t do it.
Unless your name is Panda and you actually have great success with it, don’t do it. There is a secret there…but I’ll let him fill you in on that in another article.
Here is why the typical dinner/movie combo does not really work. The dinner portion is actually not bad at all. Imagine that you and her are facing each other, and the only thing between you and her is air…and food…and a table…ok you get the idea.
Now you actually have time to talk. You might even be able to get her to like you in a span of an hour…nahhhhhh. It COULD happen…but don’t be TOO sure about that. So both of you are stuffing your faces with spaghetti or pizza or a steak that was wayyyyy too much for a first date and now you won’t be able to eat for the next week or so.
So the after dinner coffee comes around and you rush because the next showing of the movie she wants to see is in about 10 minutes. You start rushing your thoughts and words and, before you know it, you are sitting next to her chomping on popcorn and…not talking to her.
Yes, movies can be like this. You could risk it and talk throughout the movie BUT…you are watching a movie.
So you get out of the movie and it is super late and all she wants to do is go home and call it a night because for about two hours you have not done a single thing to evoke her emotions and raise her interest level on you. She did have a great roller coaster of emotions due to the movie…but the movie is not you.
So you bring her back to her place and she gives you a nice half hug thanking you for a “great” night. She goes back inside the house and that is the LAST time you see her…ever.
So now that you know to use the dinner/movie on another date when you guys are actually together, let us get to the better dates.
You say hi.
She says hi.
You start a conversation and she plays with her hair.
You finally muster up the confidence to ask her for a cup of a delicious black brew. She agrees.
So coffee dates are not bad at all. Think about it. You get at least two cups and maybe a scone or croissant to get to know the girl. You have a great venue to talk and not get interrupted by any loud noises or distractions. Everyone in the coffee house is minding their own business. It is just you and her. You get lost in her eyes. Everyone around you does not exist. It is like you two are the ONLY ones in there.
Sounds like a movie right? Keep on track.
So from the coffee house you could lead it to a bunch of places. You could move onto a nice walk down the beach boardwalk, or a nice walk through the city just enjoying the scenery. No matter what the main part is that you are getting to know her. There are so many chances to take her on an emotional roller coaster. You can show her that you are that cool guy where she can say “where have you been all my life?”
Wanna grab a cold one?
So this kind of works only if she is down to have actual alcoholic drinks. Why not have a cool night conversing over a couple of nice adult drinks? Maybe include a few tapas plates and the conversation starts.
The advantage here is that the drinks will loosen both of you guys up to where you and her will be more comfortable to talk freely and not worry about people around you. After that you could take her dancing if you like dancing or you could to a bar hop to change the scenery. Either way it is still up to you to converse and get to know her.
Do you see the trend here?
I don’t want to give too much away from where else you want to take it from here, but get creative and then learn from it.
What I am trying to get to is that you should choose a date where you can get to know the person. Yes, movies are a nice date option and maybe a concert as well, BUT as for first or beginning dates you should keep to times where you can get to know them.
I am not trying to discard a nice date playing mini golf or a nice hike. Actually those are great ideas. Honestly any date will work as long as you are taking control and get to know her.
This goes back to my other article where I talk about taking control and being assertive. The first date you need to be that man.
The rest will fall into place. Just don’t get too relaxed where you don’t do shit on the date. Be in the date. Be present and go with the flow and take her on an awesome adventure. Even if it is only a quick two hour date where you have coffee or tea. Make sure you make the most of the date and have fun.
If there is anything you get out of my ramblings for today it is:
– Be the man.
– Have a date where you can get to know her.
– Take her on the adventure.
– HAVE FUN!
Remember this is all a process. This is part of your foundation. Don’t you want to get past the 1st date hump? This is probably a good low risk way to get to the second date. Yes you can risk it and go all out. The problem is the risk of looking too planned out. Yes, I have gone through the bad first date of planning it out WAY too much where I did not even focus on her. She SHOULD have had a great time, but I was too worried about the next step.
Until next time, stay classy and fly above the rest.
Her: Where are we going tonight?
Him: Hmm…where do you want to go?
Her: Do you feel like pizza?
Him: We can do pizza.
Such a harmless conversation on dealing with where to go. The only problem is the way the conversation was led will do some serious damage.
I was brought up to make sure I was the courteous one. My parents told me never to cause trouble and to make sure to hold doors, say thank you and please, and not cause attention to yourself. These are great traits to have and part of me still wishes the world would have more of this. Unfortunately I took it too far.
I became the doorstop. I was so concerned about what people thought of me that I let everyone walk all over me. Growing up I thought this was the way to be. I always wondered why girls always just saw me as a friend and not as boyfriend material.
Once I got halfway through college I finally started to realize I need to man up and take matters into my own hands. Could I still be nice and be assertive and the dominant one?
If I could only go back in time and knock some sense into my younger self I would. I would tell him that being too nice is actually a bad thing…when you want to attract women.
That is the key point there. I am not trying to bash on the nice guy…hell, I am one! I am talking about being the pushover.
My brother-in-law would always wonder why I stuck sooooooooo long on my first relationship and he kept saying “stop being a pushover bro!” I always brushed it off with a half laugh and just go about my day being the pushover. I would worry all the time if my girlfriend liked me and if she was happy.
What I turned into was an employee to her majesty.
To think of where I would be if I just listened and became the better man; the man who didn’t let anyone take advantage of him.
This topic fits well with what we at Pompous Gentlemen try to live by.
We want you to learn how to become the better man. Part of being a better man is to actually…BE A MAN. In society today we are at the verge of losing the image of what it is to be a man, how to be the cool and collected alpha male.
There is nothing wrong with women empowerment, I am all for that. Why look down upon anyone just because they are a certain gender, ethnicity, or preference? Ok enough of the rant…
Let’s refer back to the beginning of this article. I had made too many mistakes like this one. I thought I was being super courteous and let her decide on where to go and what to eat because I wanted her to do the stuff she liked and eat what she wanted.
The problem lies in the thought process itself. In making her choose you basically look like you cannot decide ANYTHING for yourself.
“But that was just ONE measly aspect.”
Choosing where to go eat might be small compared to larger decisions in life but your one act of letting her choose will snowball to where you don’t remember when was the last time you got to decide. Even worse, this could lead to her complaining why you can’t decide for once.
I cannot stress enough that when you go on a date OR EVEN just meet the girl for the first time, make the decision. I am pretty sure either Jeff or Panda will go over how to lead the girl from one scene to the next throughout the night. This creates a more enjoyable night for the both of you instead of a boring dinner and movie date night.
You are better than that. Stop going with the norm. Yes, the norm is SOMETIMES good…just not here…for now.
In approaching you decided to go up to her, right?
After getting to know her you ask her on an instadate. Perfect.
Let’s say you decide to take her to get coffee close by. Even better.
Now that you guys are talking you lead the conversation by using SNQ about her life or you can mix it up with your common questions. I am not going to explain this all but you get the point.
You took the initiative to approach her, get to know her initially, instadate, and lead the conversation without being boring. Imagine if you didn’t even decide to approach? Even worse, imagine asking her out on an instadate then asking her where she wants to go?
Ya dumbass…you invited her!!
So basically everything that you do should be centered on you actively making the decision. On the other hand, you can occasionally ask her what she wants to eat or where to go because she might want to really go somewhere that you have not thought of. I know this may sound confusing with me going back and forth on the topic BUT this is where the solution lies.
It is all about balance.
It would be in your best interest to go overboard on leading to get your mind used to thinking for once and leading people(I am not talking about leading people on…don’t do that shit). You can easily dial that back to a better level once you are accustomed to leading.
For anyone who dances the same goes to show that the guy leads in couple dances…usually. We have been going to western bars recently which involve some line dancing and…two-stepping. YES, two-step.
As much as we are dancers I tend to freeze up on social dances. Social dances are basically dances involving two people…just in case you didn’t know.
Usually the man will control the flow with his hands. His left hand will signal to move that way and the right will carry her back to signal other moves. Since I have NEVER two stepped and my partner that I brought to the bar did; she was leading for the most part.
Here was the serendipitous revelation. I told her, “well you cannot see behind you so I will signal you with my hands if we are about to run into people.” The dance floor was a mix of line dancing and two-step on the outskirts of the dance floor. It felt like a battlefield of walking mines just because we had limited space to move around and dance.
So we were a team, squeezing each other’s hands making sure we don’t cause a train wreck on the dance floor.
The experience was amazing.
The room was flashing around me as I kept my eye contact with her. I could see her smile and enjoy the controlled chaos that was us. It was a crazy experience.
Why did I go on this side tangent? Because I wanted to show you that, in this case, both of us were leading. We had a great balance of give and take and we survived. Throughout the night the awesomeness just kept going and going. So lesson kids…balance.
Before balance though, keep in mind to practice leading in all aspects in your life. You will be surprised where leading will get you. This can spill to other aspects such as how you carry yourself and soon enough people will notice you as a man and not some pushover.
Until next time, stay classy and fly above the rest.
I call it playing smart.
What am I talking about exactly? I’m talking game…specifically online dating.
Recently I’ve been talking a lot about online dating and ways of utilizing it to fit your needs regarding your dating life. As you can tell, I’m all for real life approaching and all that. Of course, why wouldn’t I be?
When is a good time to do online versus real life? What’s good and bad about both? Today I have something a little different for you. I’m gonna talk about both and compare the differences between them. Consider this your guide to both.
Neither one of them are good or bad. There are clear differences about them like how online dating is still, for some, considered a weird or lame way to meet someone. Then again for most people approaching girls in real life is not considered weird but something not a lot of people would consider doing either. A lot of guys secretly wish they could just go up to any girl and talk to her.
The good thing about dating online is that you can message any girl you want depending on the app. It all depends on what you say at that point. Though some guys would be too shy to even take the risk of doing that.
Realize and accept that you’ll have to start doing things outside of your box of conformity, and you’ll be on your way towards getting results you want. Just like you have to invest your money into business to get profit, you’ll have to sacrifice a little of your pride in order to get results with women. In these times you’ll realize that online dating consists of some, if not most, of your friends.
What’s worse is that you’ll realize that If you’re not approaching in real life or online, that you’re dating life is officially non-existent. So make the choice to either go for approaching girls in real life or if you want to go online.
This is, of course, if you’re not willing to do one or the other. What you should do is be an awesome person and go for both.
On This Corner: Online Dating
Once you get over the fact that it’s something different and stop being embarrassed about online dating, you’ll notice that there are actually a lot of things that make online dating amazingly convenient!
If you’re lazy at times like myself, you’ll realize that you’ll find ways to do things more efficiently. Most people’s excuses for not having a dating life is that they’re too busy. Nobody is ever that busy to not do something they really want. If you really want it, you’ll make the time for it.
Just like when you’re texting someone and vice versa. If you’re texting someone and you find that it’ll be hours before you reply to them and you’re not even doing anything else, then that person isn’t a priority.
Same with her. If she hasn’t texted you back within hours and you’re sitting next to your phone, you’ve been temporarily forgotten. Even if someone is busy, they’ll find a few seconds to reply back if they cared to keep you updated.
Girls text while they’re driving, whoever it is they’re risking their life for is a priority. If not then they’re just crazy. Anyways this is all related; don’t worry.
Basically what I’m getting to is that online dating can be fast and efficient.
Once you get the hang of it, you’ll find yourself messaging 30 girls by Monday night. I’d like to say that online dating, if you want to play it this way, is like meal prep for fitness heads. If you really don’t have time like you say, then all you have to do is put in a couple hours in the beginning of the week.
Dedicate those hours to finding the cutest girls you can who fit your criteria. Open them all with a message and then leave it be. Throughout the week, you’ll get a reply and conversations established with at least 5 of them. It doesn’t sound like much compared to the original 30, right? It’s better than the 0 dates you’ve probably had recently, right? Get back to messaging.
For us out there who want the most results by putting in the least amount of effort, online dating is the blessing you never thought to ask for. Us lazy ones know how to make things work for us though.
Think about it: you can interact with girls, set up dates, make them fall in love with your lazy self all without having to step outside the house. You might have to clean yourself up and make an effort once you go on your date though, but hey you saved up all that energy from doing a whole bunch of nothing the rest of the week. You’ll be fine buddy.
You see yourself as the shy type? Not saying that it’s okay to be shy forever when considering getting into game…or getting into anything social in general.
If you are shy, a perk of online dating is that you can build social skills and practice your game on millions of girls you don’t care about. So when it comes time to messaging and if all goes well, you’ll be well-versed in all you need to say and you’ll be less awkward on your first date and it’ll just get easier as you keep dating. In turn, you’ll gradually improve your game in real life by getting better at your online game. It’s sort of like a by-product of gaining experience in online dating.
Texting and online dating go hand in hand since you’ll mostly be texting through the dating apps messaging option until you get their actual phone number. As with texting, you have to know all about good timing and how to be patient.
Online dating will definitely help teach you timing and patience. If you don’t know what I mean, the guys who are bad with message timing and are impatient are the ones that girls classify as, “clingy”. Nobody should ever want to be known as that.
Thirsty for sex and don’t mind swiping during your coffee breaks? Tinder Anyone? Besides the app known predominantly for hooking up with people same night, OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish should NOT be overlooked
Depending on how down the girls are and your skill level, you can use all of these apps to get same night lays. From opening them with that first text to getting her into your bed at night, all of that can happen from you spending a little time on some apps.
Your hook up count will increase dramatically in a crazy short period of time if that’s what you want. If you want to meet an awesome girl worth getting into a relationship with, you can find her, too. Contrary to what I previously thought, girls you see online aren’t bottom-of-the-barrel girls that are on there because they can’t get any.
There are legit, quality girls on there who are on there for their own reasons. Be it that they’re honestly really busy, or they just want to meet quality guys outside of their lame social circles who they wouldn’t be able to meet otherwise. It just depends on what you set your criteria to and how you present yourself to them.
Finding a girl you actually want to date through online dating isn’t impossible anymore. You CAN find a relationship if you want to. As I mentioned before, if you want to find someone you normally wouldn’t be able to otherwise then online dating can definitely help you with that. I keep saying that and I cannot stress how true it is.
You can imagine how many times I go out with the rest of PG to Vegas, LA, SD, and of course OC since we live here. Though a lot of the girls I see on Tinder and Ok Cupid I’ve never seen in person before. Online dating is an amazing way to get out of your social circle if you’re tired of seeing the same types of girls and even the same